Dark Times Behind Me (I Hope)

I’ve been dealing with the blues a lot lately. I made friends with them, I invited them in and the little bastards overstayed their visit. I think I’m finally succeeding at evicting them. That or I’m bipolor and I’ve just hit a good spot. Who knows.

Anyway, I had a revalation the other day. I was joking that maybe instead of hating my job, I just hate a lot of other stuff that I’m not dealing with and blaming it on my job. After I said it, it kind of made me wonder because truely, if you ask me what I hate about my job, I have to stop and think about it really hard. Or I’ll say I hate this, but it’s not always like that. So, all in all, the whole “hate my job” thing is really weak.

So I sat down with a pad and pen and started a “what’s making me angry/upset” list. Surprise, my job didn’t even make the list. So I wrote out specifically what it was about those 5 things that makes me angry/upset. Then I contemplated whether or not these things were fixable. (The whole “list” thing came from a Cruise book I’d just reread. I’m not really a list person, normally, despite my anal retentive qualities.) Would you believe that they were almost all fixable (the unfixable one is the old female standby – my looks). Just knowing that has put me in a better mood. I’m less cranky and I haven’t felt like bursting into tears over a minor infraction in two days. It’s fantastic. I feel human. I love feeling human. I wish I could feel human all the time. We’ll see.

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