Where I stand on babies…

I’ve never been certain if I want to have kids or not. I like babies. And I like kids after they’ve started school. I’m not especially fond of toddlers. They may be at the formative age, but they’re also at the obnoxious age. They’re constantly testing everything. Especially the rules. And I’ve had my share of run-ins with toddlers. But the thing is, I’m almost 30. I gave myself an age limit to have children by which is 35. I figure if I havne’t had them by then, I don’t want to because I don’t want a teenager under my roof as I’m approaching retirement. So my husband and I set a time table for ourselve. From 30 to 35, we would not actively hinder my chances at having a kid -ie. no more birth control. But I’m not sure if that is a part of our reality any more.

I’ve always suspected that I might have problems getting pregnant because of the tumor on my pituitary gland even though my Endocrynologist assured me that many woman with this problem have gone on to have babies after the tumor had been shrunk or eliminated or whatever. I found out this last Thanksgiving though, that even though my tumor is shrinking, by pituitary gland itself has started to enlarge. What does this mean? It means that if it starts to get too big, they will have to remove it completely. Why does it have to come out? Because it would put pressure on the optic nerves, probably blinding me, and pressure on the brain,which just isn’t a good idea. And without a pituitary gland, I’ll have to be on hormone replacements the rest of my life. Not something I would personally look forward to.

So what does this have to do with babies? Here’s a little science for you.

The pituitary gland, which sits right under the brain and behind the optic nerves, produces many hormones, once of which is called prolactin. The purpose of this hormone is to stop you from menstrating while pregnant. I am taking a drug to control my Prolactin levels, which left to their own devices would be high (as if I was pregnant). If I were to become pregnant, I would have to stop taking my drugs. The danger in this is that since my pituitary is wacky to begin with, it could cause the tumor or even the pituitary itself to enlarge out of control, resulting in my needing surgery to remove it. Not too big of a deal, except that I’v already have surgery once. Having had this surgery, it caused my skull to shift slightly. If they have to do another surgery, the risks are increased because now it can actually cause spinal leakage which could paralyze me or kill me.

Now, there is no gaurentee that any of this would happen. My doctor knows of a woman who did stop taking the drugs while she was pregnant and both she and the baby were okay. I didn’t think to ask if this woman had already had a surgery. But spelling it all out like that, I don’t think I want to risk pregnancy. I don’t like the idea of having the choice taken from me, but then again, I’ve been dealing with this possibilty since I was 17 years old.

Now, I’ve seen and heard of miracles happening. And I know if God wants me to have a baby, that I will. But it’s going to be totally up to him, because I don’t believe in inviting problems into your life on purpose. They have a way of finding you without any help.

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