The Absurd Strikes Again

March 21, 2006

I’ve been exploring MySpace. Rather interesting place. For example, did you know that Toothpaste has his own page? Then again, so does Stalin and Napoleon – both of whom admit that they are already dead. Ahhh, the wonders of the internet! So far, my fave is definitely the militia beaver. Nature’s engineers with weapons. Does it get any better than this?
Among the absurd, I can now add the paper officially (or more specifically, the nutjobs in Classifieds – Yes, I just called all my co-workers nutjobs.) I arrived on Monday to find a memo on my desk accompanied by a rubber finger tip. If you’re not familiar with the rubber finger tip, they are literally rubber cones covered in little bumps that you put on your finger to make sorting through stacks of paper easier – in theory. Anyway, the memo stated that “in the interest of HEALTH and the rate that the common cold is being passed around that everyone is to now use the rubber fingertips when they are sorting papers at the printer.” Huh? Wow, if only the federal government knew about this. THIS is obviously the ingenious cure to the common cold we’ve all been praying for. Dear God! Why hasn’t this come out sooner?

Okay, so maybe the sarcasm is getting a little thick. But seriously. As I ranted about this at work last night, I was told that the reason for the fingertips was because someone had seen someone else LICK their finger and then proceed to sort the pages. I pointed out that it wasn’t exactly like their saliva was still sitting in a drooly mess on the pages. Hell, it wasn’t even like they were standing by the printer licking each page as it came off.

Has anybody else noticed that people have become ridiculously germaphobic? What the hell is with the fear of germs? How do you people think we build up immunities? We receive germs into our bodies and the immune system gets busy creating antibodies so that the next time we encounter the same germ, we have an arsenal to fight it off with. I wasn’t very good at Biology, and even I know this much.

Think about this – after that dumb Seinfeld episode about “double dipping” (i.e. dipping a chip a second time) everyone was like “Oh, that’s so gross! You bit that chip, it was in your mouth and you just put all those germs in the dip bowl!” And then you people proceed to pick up a total stranger at the same party, make out with them – hell some of you will even go home and sleep with them – and your going to scream about germs?!!?!?!? Talk about “Where has that thing been!” Seriously, I’m just sick and tired of people being stupid. I’m not advocating people should “double dip”. I’m just saying, if you’re going to throw a fit about it, you might want to think twice before you stick your tongue down that stranger’s throat.

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