Fake Bake

I have been classified as one of the whitest white girls on record. This year, a number of people have decided that my white legs were open to comment (insult) and humiliation. In an attempt to correct this without actually taking the time to sit in the sun and humidity (which I hate!) and subsequently melt, I decided to try this great new invention. Self tanning WIPES. That is correct. Wipes, just like baby wipes. Instead of dealing with the lotion, I thought this would be a much easier way of applying the fake tan.
I opened the first package and following directions very carefully applied the stuff. I was really annoyed to not see any difference at all. With the lotion there are pretty immediate results. Well, I thought, that was a total waste of money, proceeded to get dressed and forget about it.
Well, that night when I came home and went to get in the shower, I realized that the tanning stuff had worked after all. However, because I couldn’t see it going on, I ended up with a REALLY uneven tan. My fiancĂ© told me I looked like Jamoca and Vanilla Swirl ice cream. I tried to amend it by applying a second wipe. I can now tell you from experience that this is not a good idea. Still unable to see where it was going on, but aware of that fact, I covered the whole leg area quite thoroughly. The result was darker dark spots and a light tan in the previously white spots. And me with a family swim party this weekend. Since it was family that made fun of me in the first place, the very same family is going to have a blast laughing at my mistake. I write this to save others from a similar fate. DON’T BUY TAN WIPES!!!!

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