Cop Attractor

October 20, 2005

Apparently I have developed a large bulls eye on the back of my vehicle. And it follows me regardless of what I’m driving. In the last two months, I’ve been pulled over three times. And only one of them was a legitimate reason to be pulled over – I WAS speeding. But so was everyone else on the road. So that’s just bullshit.
The second time was right after I got Stella. It was like one in the morning and I was coming home from work. I was doing the speed limit and I allegedly went over the yellow line. The cop wanted to make sure I wasn’t drunk. I offered to get out of the car and do a sobriety test for him, but apparently, since I was able to quote my work address he didn’t feel the need for me to do a breathalizer. I guess there is a difference between overworked/overtired bloodshot eyes and “I’ve just downed my fifth tequila” bloodshot eyes.
Then last night I got pulled over for having only one headlight, and my front plate was hanging askew and my rear plate lights were out. But at least the cop was funny. He asked if I was an axe-murderer who was wanted in 8 states. I told him not that I was aware of.
In the last two instances I was issued a warning. Now some of you might say, it’s the new car. But only in the case of the “Drunk” incident was I driving Stella. The other two times, I was driving two different trucks. I have officially tainted all three of the family vehicles. Go me.

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